Listening: The Do’s and Don’ts and How To Master It

The human mouth plods along at 125 words per minute, while a neuron in the brain can fire about 200 times a second. No wonder our mind wanders when there’s so much time in between the words of a conversation. This is part of the reason we remember only 25 to 50% of what we hear.

Yet listening is an incredibly important skill for everyone—including leaders. Why? If you’re not listening at work, it’s easy to misinterpret a discussion as a decision. You may underestimate the importance of objections and ambivalence. And not listening is a quick way to dissolve trust between leaders and their teams.

From my experience, leaders could use some listening practice. Why don’t they listen? Though Richard Branson once joked that leaders love to hear their own voices, there are two main reasons. For one, in general, people are not taught how to carefully listen. And secondly, society expects leaders and entrepreneurs to have all the answers.

Truly listening to someone is more difficult than it seems and requires practice. Yet practicing takes more than just “keeping it in mind” throughout your day. Let’s look at five levels of listening, the do’s and don’ts of listening, and steps you can take to improve your listening skills.

There are several levels of listening, but here are five I find most important.

Highlight: Five Levels of Listening

1.    Ignoring is something we have all done. Someone is talking to us, but we are exploring things on the Internet, checking text messages, or thinking “what’s for dinner”. We are not actually hearing much of anything. 

2.    Pretend listening occurs when a person acts as if they are listening but is not following the full story of what is being said. They nod and smile but do not actually take in the message. This is a skill that can be finely honed by people who do a lot of inconsequential listening, such as politicians and royalty. We all do pretend listening at times; be careful because it can damage relationships when you get caught.

3.    Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring other things. We hear what we want to hear and sometimes block out details that we are not interested in, or simply don’t want to hear. We listen for what we agree with, and then only remember that. Or we listen only for ways we don’t agree (this is usually as a result of a conflict), which can be quite frustrating when trying to come to an agreement.

4.    Attentive listening is what many of us do most of the time. This is when we listen to the other person with the best intention, yet become distracted by our thoughts of how we will respond. In attentive listening, we dip inside our own heads for a short while, try to determine what the person really means, and formulate questions for the person before we start listening again. If you find that you’re doing this, ‘fess up! Let the other person know that your mind wandered and say, “Could you please repeat that?”

5.    Empathic listening happens when the listener pays very close attention to what is being said, how it is being said, the message that is being portrayed, and what is not being said. Empathic listening takes much more effort than attentive listening, as it requires close concentration. It also requires empathy and understanding. You’re listening for the emotions, watching the body language and listening for needs, goals, preferences, biases, beliefs, values and so on. In other words, you’re listening in surround sound.

How to Be a Better Listener

Listening is actually a little painful. When we talk, we get a rush of chemicals sent to our reward and pleasure centers, so it is a selfish brain activity. There is no reward like that for listening. When you listen, you are halting your natural ways of thinking; it’s like holding your breath. Yet listening is a skill that can be learned, like a fitness test of the brain.

The first step to better listening is to choose to be a better listener and decide that it’s an important skill to you. It takes effort and a strategy and much like any sport, you will want to learn the steps, and then practice, practice, practice.

A Listening Acronym to Keep In Mind

Here is an acronym to help you become a better listener: NALE it.

N         Note what is being said.

A          Ask questions to clarify the story, and refine ambiguous words.

L          Look at what the other person is doing. Are they relaxed, tense, looking             away? This is all part of the communication they are sharing with you.

E          Evaluate what you think is really going on with the person. You are not   a psychologist yet, with a little empathy, you might pick up on some messages that are not being said. This gives you an opportunity to ask more questions. Stay in a curious state and you will learn so much more in less time.

Listening Do’s and Don’ts

To improve your listening, DO:

• Be 100% present. This means turning off all electronics, and keeping your eyes on the person.
• Be content to listen and to stay in the conversation until they feel like they are fully heard.
• Ask questions and take notes, including clarifying meanings of words. Many words in the English language have more than one meaning, or can vary drastically (such as the word “soon”).
• Show courtesy in your posture and your tone of voice by leaning into the conversation, and keeping your voice level.
• Allow emotions to flow freely, and acknowledge the emotions with your words.
• Pretend that you will be tested on what you heard and understood, if you are finding it difficult to concentrate.
  
  

To improve your listening, DON’T:

• React emotionally. Stay calm and focused on the other person.
• Offer suggestions or advice. This is a hard one! Yet if you are truly listening, all you’re doing is pulling information out. As soon as you start suggesting solutions, you are no longer listening.
• Talk about yourself. Even if you have had the same experience, don’t tell your story. It takes the attention off the person and back onto you. A simple “I have been there” can do the trick.
• Look at anything but the person. Stay focused on the person’s eyes, facial expressions, and body language.
  
  

Are you good at fully listening to others? Is listening a challenge for you? We’d love to hear your ideas about why listening may be difficult for leaders. Also, if you have experience working on your listening skills, let us know what steps you have taken.

Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send me an email, or find me on Twitter.

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A Quick and Creative Way to Solve Problems at Work

Most of us have seen this image before. Some swear it’s a duck, while others swear it is a rabbit. Both are correct! But this exercise gives us a clear example of how individuals naturally see the world differently. And in the work environment, this different way of seeing things, if leveraged, presents a huge advantage.

Seeing the world, and situations, in only one way can interfere with our ability to problem solve. We look at situations in a way that comes naturally, and are blind to other perspectives that may increase our ability to solve problems or innovate. Each of us benefits greatly from the perspectives of others at the workplace.

Yet it doesn’t always feel that way. Often times sharing an idea in a meeting is like morphing into a dartboard. You share your idea, and then everyone throws darts at it. You may even try to get the buy-in from coworkers in advance of the meeting to mitigate getting shot down, frustrated—even embarrassed—so quickly.

What if I told you there was an easy and fun way to prevent this kind of meeting? What if you were able to use a simple methodology that instigates participation and positive outcomes to problem solving?

Enter the “Six Thinking Hats,” developed by Edward de Bono. As Freddi Donner explains, the Six Thinking Hats is “a tool for group discussion and individual thinking that involves six colored hats. “Six Thinking Hats”, and the associated idea parallel thinking, provide a means for groups to execute a thinking process in a detailed and cohesive way, which allows them to think together more effectively.”

What Are The Six Thinking Hats?

Here’s a great video explaining what the Six Hats are, and how the method works.

De Bono writes, “Each thinking role is identified with a colored symbolic ‘thinking hat.’ By mentally wearing and switching ‘hats,’ you can easily focus or redirect thoughts, the conversation, or the meeting.”

To understand each hat and the associated roles, take a look at the table below.

As a basic example, if you were “wearing” the green hat, you would approach an issue or conversation as creatively as possible. You’d look for possibilities, alternatives, and new ideas.

Yet if you were “wearing” the black hat, you’d look at the same issue or conversation with a keen eye for danger. You’d attempt to ferret-out anything that could go wrong.

Now, you must be prepared to be a little uncomfortable. It’s common to feel uneasy approaching an issue in a way you’re not used to. For example, if you’re someone who informs your own decisions based solely on facts, you may feel awkward or resistant to approaching an issue by expressing your fears, likes, dislikes, loves or hates. After all, you’re a facts person, not an emotions person. But forcing yourself to think from that perspective might surprise you with innovative ideas.

A Basic Example of Using the Six Thinking Hats

Let’s take a look at basic example and run through each of the six hats in action. Let’s say you are the leader at a software development company, which has been steadily growing. While you still feel like a startup, the fact is, you’ve outgrown your office. Employees are sharing desks, the space is crowded and cluttered, and two of the three meeting rooms have had to be converted into offices. This leads to unnecessary tension in the office, and people are starting to complain. You haven’t made the move yet because you know it will significantly increase operational costs.

Let’s approach this problem using the six thinking hats as a guide:

White Hat: What are the facts about this problem?

The basic facts are there are 50 employees (and growing) in an office space that comfortably accommodates 30.

Yellow Hat: What is good about having this problem?

It’s great to be growing! We’ve added amazing talent to the team and we will now be able to accomplish even more as a company. We can expand our current offerings and add new products to grow the business even more.

Black Hat: What is the worst that could happen if we don’t fix this problem?

If we stay in this office, the worst that can happen is expensive attrition. We will lose the great talent that it took us months to find. That will lead to low employee engagement, which leads to poor productivity and even more attrition. We won’t be able to move forward as a business without our talent.

Red Hat: What do I feel about this problem?

I feel conflicted. On one hand, my employees and their needs are the most important thing to me, so seeing them crammed in together makes me feel like I’m disappointing them. On the other hand, I’m hesitant to increase expenses in what feels like a pivotal time in the business. That makes me very nervous.

Green Hat: What are some creative ways to address this situation?

One idea is to have some of our team work from home to free up space in the office. Another possibility would be moving into a shared office space with another startup. This would cut the costs of a larger office space. Also, we could leave this area of town and move to the new burgeoning warehouse district, where rent is cheaper.

Blue Hat: How do you know you are following the six hats method?

I’ve written all of these questions down and written my answers under the designated color for each hat. I can share these notes with my VP and get her feedback.

In the end, this leader decided to create a small task force to investigate the new warehouse district, and possible shared office spaces with the other startups around town. They have a three-week discovery period, after which the team will meet with the heads of each department to vote on the best course of action. They will use the six hats again!

As you can see, this exercise enabled the head of our hypothetical software development company to think through the situation from several perspectives. And by forcing the consideration of different perspectives she may not naturally be drawn to, she achieved “parallel thinking,” which is a more dynamic way to work through a problem.

Let’s move beyond the individual and discuss how to incorporate the Six Thinking Hats method into our workplace. Here is a step-by-step guide.

A Step-By-Step Guide to Incorporating the Six Thinking Hats at Work

 

1.    To prepare, choose a work challenge and form a small team of 4 or 5 people.

2.    Make sure that your attendees are aware that you will be using this method and that your goal is to fully investigate the situation at hand and develop an execution plan based on the meeting. Therefore, all attendees who can contribute to the facts should plan to bring them to the meeting.

3.    Before the meeting, create an agenda, including a video link from the first lesson in this course, and ask your team to watch this video before the meeting. Ask your participants to be prepared to use this methodology when coming to the meeting.

4.    Make sure it is a safe environment and that no one is “wrong” for adding to the content of the meeting. Even if you do not agree, say, “That’s interesting” or “Let’s note that point of view”.

5.    Be sure to ask one of the participants to record all the points of view.

6.    Be sure to ask one of the participants to record all the points of view.

White Hat: The facts. What do you already know?

Note: Facts often get disguised as opinions. If someone states a “fact” that appears to be an opinion, ask the participant (without judgment): “What specific behaviors cause you to think that?” Or “How do you know that?” Listen for the fine line between opinions and fact.

Red Hat: What is your gut feeling about the situation? How do you feel about the situation? (Happy, angry, etc.; all emotions are to be recorded.)

Black Hat: What do we need to look out for?

Yellow Hat: What are the reasons to say yes? What are the benefits and upsides of this situation?

Green Hat: What are other ideas that can be a part of this thinking?

Blue Hat: Make sure all the participants are maintaining the parallel thinking.

These questions should really get the team thinking and spur an active discussion. For fun, if you can access paper (or hats) in the six colors, bring them to the meeting to reinforce the colored thinking. Bandanas would work as well.

If you’ve never tried the Six Thinking Hats method, we are excited for you to do so. As De Bono says, The Six Thinking Hats is “A powerful tool set, which once learned can be applied immediately!” We’d love to hear about your experiences with this method.

Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send us an email, or find us on Twitter.

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Online Learning Increases Employee Engagement: What is Online Learning?

In my last post, I discussed why it’s important to incorporate multiple learning styles in a training program. Technology offers to best opportunities to do that. In this post, let’s look at what online learning actually is.

The U.S. Distance Learning Association (USDLA) seems to concur that there is no official, agreed-upon definition of online learning. There is however one commonality among various camps: the integration of instructional media. The USDLA calls out the use of technology infrastructures to make more “effective learning opportunities more accessible to all learners, whatever their age, location, or reason for learning.”

They go on to say, “It includes e-learning, texting, social networking, virtual worlds, game-based learning, and webinars. It’s the Internet. It’s Google. It’s broadband and satellite and cable and wireless. Corporate universities. Virtual universities. Blended learning, mobile learning. It’s using our phones and computers and whatever technology comes next, in new ways.” In other words, online learning is using technology to help students of all ages learn new concepts. We see it all the time with children’s apps to learn spelling, math, music and more.

We’re starting to see online learning more with adult learning as well through Learning Management Systems (LMS), which are often programs that incorporate videos, podcasts and academic information for adult learners. These can be synchronous (the course participants and lecturer all have to be online at the same time) or asynchronous (the course participants can access the information online, at any time).

Learning is Collaborative

Despite the appeal of customization, learning is collaborative and continues to rely on community. Most people think that collaborative learning means face-to-face training. However, online learning allows students to engage in meaningful ways through video, chat, journals or other multimedia options.

A New York Times piece concluded that the “real promise of online education” is the nature by which it can be tailored to suit individual needs.

It’s not just the addition of multimedia, such as video and chat that engages students better; the way multi-media are used in course design may have a strong impact as well. For example, the study shows that interactive video vs. non-interactive video may impact learning more significantly. Interactive video allows students to control the way they absorb information, such as fast-forwarding through a video or watching it multiple times. Are the students able to watch video in any order they wish, or is course content set to prevent any form of deviation? These types of tweaks make training programs more or less effective.

One big advantage of online learning is increased collaboration, which every organization could use. In traditional college classrooms, most students try to engage with each other and form study communities, to help each other learn the material. Online learning makes collaboration easier. For those who normally would not be able to collaborate in person, technology brings a wealth of knowledge to the student’s fingertips, giving access to the best experts and resources in every medium you can imagine.

Being online is already a part of our everyday life; it makes sense to integrate it into one of the most important pillars of our society: education.

Being online is already a part of our everyday life; it makes sense to integrate it into one of the most important pillars of our society: education.

Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send us an email, or find us on Twitter.

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How to Prepare for Jobs that Don’t Yet Exist in a Multi-Stage Life

85 per cent of the jobs that will exist in 2030 haven’t even been invented yet, estimates a Dell Technologies report, written by the Institute for the Future (IFTF) and a panel of 20 tech, business and academic experts from around the world.

So how do you prepare someone for a job that doesn’t exist yet? How can we prepare the young people who will be entering the workforce in the next five years? How can we prepare ourselves?

Wave Goodbye to Your Three-Stage Life

Before we talk about preparation, here’s a contributing factor to consider: The three-stage life we’ve been accustomed to is coming to an end. What are the three stages of life? The first stage is education, which can last up to 25 years. The second stage revolves around work and lasts 40 years until we retire. And retirement is the third stage in life, which lasts between 15 and 20 years on average.

Yet life expectancy is increasing and health care is advancing. Over the last 200 years, life expectancy has increased consistently more than two years every decade. This trend indicates that a child born today has more than a 50% chance of living to 105! And they won’t simply stay alive—but can actually live a healthy life in those years.

A lifespan of 100+ years doesn’t fit well into the three straightforward stages of life we are used to. For example, an education gained in your 20s won’t sustain you for 60 years of working. Saving up for a retirement that lasts from age 65 to 105 (40 years!) is unlikely if retirement age remains the same.

Meet the Multi-Stage Life

Instead, people will adopt multi-stage lives. What will that look like? Based on trends we are seeing now, it would include education on a reoccurring cycle to accommodate career shifts based on technology advancements or personal choice. Remaining relevant for 40 years is hard enough—how about 60? And perhaps the stages will vary in focus—one stage for building financial resources, another for focusing on work/life balance, another for flexibility in order to build a family or care for aging loved ones, etc.

The implications of multi-staged lives are vast. Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott put it wonderfully: “These multi-stage lives require a proficiency in managing transitions and reflexivity – imagining possible selves, thinking about the future, reskilling and building new and diverse networks. At its best, it offers people an opportunity to explore who they are and arrive at a way of living that is nearer to their personal values.”

I agree. A multi-stage life requires flexibility, a drive for continuous learning, and the emotional intelligence to transition into ever-changing and diverse work relationships. And I propose that these are the very skills needed to prepare our employees, our youth, and us for jobs that don’t exist yet.

Preparing For the Unknown Future of Work: Four Essential Skills

Let’s take a closer look.

1.     EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

A person with a high EQ is curious about people they don’t know, aware of their strengths and weaknesses, skilled in active listening, and aware of their own emotional states, enabling them to respond rather than react. This is a skill that can provide balance, insight, and flexibility when facing responsibility shifts, career changes, and life stages. It doesn’t matter what job you’re in—if you have emotional intelligence, you can navigate interpersonal relationships successfully, leading to productivity, collaboration, and an increased ability to face change.

In order for leaders to prepare for an ever-evolving working world, they must be skilled in constantly creating, organizing and dismantling teams. That requires a high EQ because it’s so relational. Also, they can help prepare workers for the future by implementing EQ training and displaying emotional intelligence themselves.

2.     COMMITMENT TO LIFELONG LEARNING

We’ve all witnessed how quickly technology has changed the fabric of our world. The increasing global pace of growth only adds to that rapid-fire change. In order to keep pace, people must be constantly learning. Whether this happens in the form of MOOCs or peer-to-peer information exchange is irrelevant. What matters is a commitment to learning—how else can someone transition smoothly into a role they’ve never even heard of yet? We must seek this learning out ourselves—yet it’s also imperative leaders make it a priority to offer personal development opportunities for employees. We can all work together to ignite and maintain the cycle of learning.

3.     ABILITY TO THRIVE IN DIVERSITY

In the future, what we consider minorities will be the majority of consumers, clients, employees, and leaders. This requires that the leaders of the future understand their diverse employees and consumers, and make sure their employees do too. Whatever the job, the teams will be more diverse than ever. And if you’re unable to learn from and embrace the benefits of a diverse team, you’re not going to succeed in any role.

4.     A NIMBLE APPROACH

We’ve established that change is happening at a rapid pace. If you’re unable to respond quickly, you may lose your place at the table, and severely limit other opportunities. Yet if you can leverage constant change, you will thrive. As Chris Heiler said, “Survival of the fittest? Today–and tomorrow–it’s survival of the nimblest.”

What does being nimble look like? Is it a skill you can develop? Yes, you can practice being nimble, just like you can practice EQ. Here’s what to do: Focus on building self-reliance, facing fear, being decisive yet flexible, and regularly seek out new skills. Also, work on managing your own bias, so that you can walk into new situations with the ability to see possibility rather than blockades.

With our new workforce functioning as more of an ecosystem than a pyramid, leaders of the future need to be nimble as well. Their ability to pivot, pull teams together quickly, and exhibit out-of-the-box thinking will influence their success in a decentralized structure that is constantly evolving.

The Cherry on Top: Purpose

The last thing Gratton and Scott said rings true as well: A multi-stage life will enable people to live closer to their personal values. This is perhaps the most exciting outcome of a longer lifespan, and aligns with one of the goals of integrating artificial intelligence (AI) into the workforce. AI has the potential to enable workers to focus on work that is more aligned with their values rather than monotonous tasks.

Don’t Forget Our Youth

This movement towards purpose with multi-stage lives and the assistance of AI also applies to our youth. Social Impact Entrepreneur Peter E. Raymond explains, “As automation will continue to reduce the need for human jobs there is an opportunity to prepare our kids for the challenges that will keep them empowered and give them purpose. These challenges will create new markets and economies we have not yet imagined.” And new education platforms preparing youth for this impending reality are already in the works.

In closing I’d like to point out that while fear of change is expected (and neurological!), there is a lot of positives in line for the future. Instead of seeing yourself in a position of impending irrelevance, see yourself as empowered to build key skills that will prepare you to succeed not matter where, or how many times, your career pivots. Start practicing your emotional intelligence today, work on being nimble, dive into the benefits of diverse teams, and regularly ignite your brain with new skills and knowledge. Before you know it, you’ll be in the middle of a drastically different workscape—and you’ll be thriving.

What did we miss? What is another essential skill to prepare for jobs that don’t yet exist? Let’s crowd source the answer:

Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send me an email, or find me on Twitter.

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Leaders: Learn the Neuroscience Behind Change Resistance to Master It

In the rapidly advancing world of technology, all business leaders must be agile in order to avoid fading into the background. They must be able to pivot, adjust their vision when presented with innovative strategies, and adapt to the major workforce trends headed their way. All of this requires one basic component: change.

Yet change is not so easy for humans and can breed anxiety and fear. But that’s not just because we are creatures of habit. Neurosciences and cognitive sciences show that change is difficult for humans for three core reasons.

Three Core Reasons for Resistance to Change

1. Habits are powerful and efficient

Your brain creates a mind map that sorts reality into a perceptual order and creates effective, quickly established habits. This means your brain limits what it sees and reality conforms to past perceptions.

Why is this a problem? Because it means all of your lessons in life and business keep you from seeing things in fresh ways. Counter-intuitive isn’t it? The more experience you have, the more limited you can become. We’ve all seen leaders “stuck in their ways,” and know how frustrating, and potentially damaging to the business, this can be.

2. Your brain hates change

When you’re learning something new, your prefrontal cortex has to work very hard. And your brain uses 25% of your total energy! It’s no wonder why we feel worn out and our head hurts from learning.

3. You have to “see and feel” new ways of doing things

To really make a change, you can’t just read about something; experiential learning is critical. Why? Because as you learn, your brain actually changes, reflecting new decisions, mind maps, and reality sorting. So when change presents itself and you haven’t experienced what that change will be like, your brain will hijack the new thought patterns and try to put your mindset back into the old way of thinking.

These three factors paint a surprising picture: the limitations to growth are really self-imposed by the mind maps of former successes. All of our past perceptions hold back what we are able to perceive in the present.

Besides this unconscious self-limiting behavior, the fear that change elicits is also limiting. This is called “fear conditioning.”

What is Fear Conditioning?

The brain stores all the details from a particular fear stimulus, such as time of day, images, sounds, smells, and weather, in your long-term memory. That makes the memory “very durable,” but also fragmented, triggering the full gamut of physical and emotional responses every single time a similar fear stimulus shows up.

As research from the University of Minnesota explains it, “Once the fear pathways are ramped up, the brain short-circuits more rational processing paths and reacts immediately to signals from the amygdala.  When in this overactive state, the brain perceives events as negative and remembers them that way.”

So remember that initiative that totally bombed? Your brain may be using that experience to prevent you from other, more successful initiatives.

What Neuroscience Tells Us about Fear

Neuroscience has more to say on the topic of fear. The main thing to note is that when the fear system of the brain is active, exploratory activity and risk-taking are turned off. So when our brains anticipate loss, we tend to hold onto what we have. In simple terms, fear prompts retreat, which is the opposite of progress. And what do leaders need? Progress.

So how can leaders take all of these facts about change and fear in stride and make progress anyway? What do you do if your brain is constantly fighting change, yet you need to make changes in order to push your business to the next level? Here are three pre-emptive steps to take in order to initiate and become accustomed to change.

What Can You Do to Initiate Change?

1. Get out of the office

Stop going to your industry trade shows; see what other industries are doing instead. Don’t focus on current market segments – look at new ones.

2. Go exploring

Transform into an amateur anthropologist and spend a day in the life of your customer or non-customer. This helps you listen to real pain points and quickly come up with new solutions to persistent problems.

3. Build an innovative culture

It’s a big leap from thinking you are innovative to being innovative. Being innovative requires you to build a culture of innovation. How do you do that? By creating a methodology that encourages people to share ideas.

4. Experience the changes yourself that you’re asking your organization to understand

In “Neurosciences and Leadership,” David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz tell us: “When people solve a problem themselves, the brain releases a rush of neurotransmitters like adrenaline.” This rush will inspire you to embrace and champion the change you are requesting of your teams.

Do you have any tips for instigating change in an organization? I’d love for my community to hear them.

Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send me an email, or find me on Twitter.

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