I still cringe when I
think of the time I got my haircut during my teenage years. The hairdresser
asked how I wanted it cut and I replied, “I don’t care. You choose.” In that
moment, I gave away total control of how I looked to a complete stranger!
As a child, I never
learned to clearly ask for what I wanted. I always said, “I don’t care” even
when I did care. I didn’t want to rock the boat and create conflict, so I kept
quiet instead of voicing my opinion or request.
Through lots of
personal development work, I slowly improved in speaking up. In fact, I went a
little overboard and became a touch demanding at times. Telling my mom, “I need
you to do this by tomorrow” was probably not the best way to treat her! Over
time, I’ve slowly learned when to speak up and when not to speak up.
What is Self-Advocating?
Though it often
doesn’t come naturally, speaking up and self-advocating is a vital professional
and personal skill. What is it? It’s the ability to say what we need, want and
hope for in life and at work. It’s the capacity to ask questions humbly, and
admit mistakes. It’s about standing up for yourself and others in the face of
large or small injustices.
Why You Need to Speak Up at Work
Let’s talk about work.
When you don’t self-advocate, your approach to your career is passive. You rely
on your manager to know what is best for you, how you’d like to progress, and
what factors and peer behaviors are impacting your work. But not all managers
can keep track of exactly what’s going on in their team member’s day-to-day
life, and zero managers can read minds. Without communicating what you want,
and what is standing in your way, you are relying on the unknown to shape your
career and life.
Much of my
coaching focuses on speaking up and asking for what you want. And I don’t
just mean asking for a raise or a new position. It can be small things too,
like when a colleague does something that irritates you, or when a client asks
for more than the contract stipulates. These are examples of speaking up for
your own good, as well as the good of your team or organization.
But How Do You Self-Advocate?
So how do you do it? I
asked Jezra Kaye, a public speaking coach who works with people to improve
public speaking skills. Her company is called Speak Up for Success; she’s
the perfect person to turn to for self-advocacy help! Here are her five steps
for asking for what you want.
Asking For What You Want at Work: 5 Steps
1. Know Your Value— What do you bring to your company or team
that they would otherwise have to do without? What have you accomplished for
them? Can you put a dollar figure on the clients you’ve won, or the time you’ve
saved through good practices? Even intangibles like increasing team morale can
sometimes be quantified (“Our team lost only one member last year; the other
teams all lost two or more”).
2. Do Your Research— What do others at your level, in your field,
get paid? How fast have others in your company been promoted? Are you being
fairly compensated (often, women and people of color are not)?
Should you be making more than
others, because you supervise more people, manage more projects, or have
special expertise?
3. Develop Your Strategy— You know your manager! Are they best
approached at 8 am on Monday morning? Over drinks on Thursday night? After a
difficult project has wrapped? Should you make an appointment, or have a casual
conversation? Do they need time to process, or pressure to decide? And WHAT is
the argument that will win them over?
4. Plan Your Speech— Don’t leave this important conversation to
chance! Work out what you’re going to say, and then…
5. Practice, Practice, PRACTICE Look, asking for what you want can make you
uncomfortable. It can make all of us uncomfortable. The truth is, there is a
very slim chance you will get what you want unless you ask. Follow these five
steps and give it a shot.
Do you have a story
about self-advocacy in your own life? Maybe a time where it made all the
difference for you or a time that it could have?
Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send us an email, or find us on Twitter.
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